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Associated Content is having this holiday haiku contest. If it has to do with writing and it can possibly make me money, I'm all for it. The only catch is that each contributor can only submit one haiku. I came up with two in like five minutes. I finally decided on one, but that left the other with no purpose. Seriously, what all could I possibly do with a spare holiday haiku about my disdain for Christmas sweaters?
Alas, I can put it on my blog I've been neglecting! So without further ado, I present my holiday haiku (currently untitled):
Unsightly sweaters:
Bulky holiday themed prints
make me fear Christmas.
Think about it. Why do most people, including myself, hate Christmas sweaters? Usually, they're ugly by definition. But, what makes them ugly? They're bulky and illogical. Christmas sweaters tend to be so overly decorative that they're immediately memorable. For those of us who are forced to look at the sweater, it always seems like we just saw it. The colors and pictures typical of most holiday sweaters make them unforgettable no matter how hard we try. I feel like people with the ugliest Christmas sweaters either wear them often or have tons of them that they wear throughout the month of December.
For sheer curiosity's sake, I googled ugly Christmas sweaters to see what all has been written about them. I was (un)fortunate enough to stumble upon a website that sells ugly sweaters. Not only do they sell ugly Christmas sweaters, but sweaters that are generally ugly as well! At first I was irritated by the concept, but then I realized it was genius.
What better gift to give your frenemy? You can even beat grandma at her own game and get her an uglier sweater than the one she's guaranteed to give you. No matter the season or occasion, you now have unlimited ugly sweater access. It's the best form of passive-aggressive gift giving I've ever seen.
There's a lesson to be learned. As you are doing your Christmas shopping, be ware. Not only will you most likely be shopping next to someone wearing an ugly Christmas sweater, but you could soon be the recipient of one. For your sake and the sake of the general public, here's hoping you haven't upset someone to the point that they'll soon be buying your next ugly sweater.
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