Reshaping the oval

I'm short. So, if I gain a heap of weight, I'm going to be shaped like an oval. That's no good. So, to fight the battle of the bulge, I bought Turbofire last month. Yes, the commercials got me. Today makes the first day of my third week.

I'm not going to lie, Turbofire is rough. My fitness level is nearly non-existent, and my activity level is slightly under couch potato. I should have started off with something easier. Why didn't I? I didn't want to. I didn't want to buy something else that I would use for a few days and then politely tuck away in a drawer, toss in the corner of a closet, or hide amongst dvds I'll likely never ever ever watch again.

I have to follow the person that does modified versions of the moves most of the time, but sometimes I can do the regular stuff.  I don't make it through some of the workouts. Like today, I did 30 minutes of the Fire 45 EZ workout. That means I didn't make it the last 15 minutes, but I made it 10 minutes longer than I did last time. Maybe when I do it later this week, I'll be able to go 5 more minutes.

I don't get upset when I don't finish. I always try to do my best and to do a little more the next time around. I can never feel like a failure like that.

So what was it about the infomercials that got me? I liked the music. I've always loved music, and I know I will not work out if I am bored. The music is pretty good on the dvds, and the instructor, Chalene, isn't annoying. She isn't overly peppy or too laid back. She's just the right amount of in-your-face and supportive home girl. I'll let you know how it goes.

Green Peppers or Poverty

Let me tell you one thing: I am not going broke over green peppers. Last week, I was at Walmart. I use green peppers in most of my food. It's a habit I got into thanks to my husband. But hunny, I moseyed over to the produce section thinking I was going to get three or four green peppers. I didn't pick up peppers, but I did let out a giant "DAMMIT!" $1.88 for a single pepper that wasn't as big as my fist.

Why does it cost more to buy healthy foods than junk foods? If we're fat as a nation and there's a push to eat healthier foods, then why aren't healthier foods more affordable? I may have to learn how to garden, and I hate dirt! Wait, maybe I can try one of those topsy turvy things. Has anyone actually tried one of those? I saw one in that same Walmart as I was angrily standing in line (still upset about the peppers). I know there's a picture of tomatoes on the box, but you grow other stuff with it? I may have to do some research. All I know is, something's gotta give.

My 2010 Wifely Review

So how did I do as a housewife this year? Damn good if I must say so myself. I mean, I'll admit, I may be a little biased. But, for it being my first year doing this job, I think I did pretty well. Mind you, it hasn't been a full year. My husband may give a more honest opinion, but hey, he doesn't really blog.

Here's an honest critique:

Being married isn't what I expected. Working from home isn't what I expected. They've both exceeded my expectations. From the married couples I've seen, to the books I've read and the couples I've seen on TV, I really wasn't sure what to expect. Some people refer to Biblical principles (or the principles of whatever holy book they prefer) for marriage guidelines. There are just too many wives, concubines, unexplainable pregnancies and vagina substitutions for me to sift through. There are, however, some hot marriage/relationship/love one-liners in the Bible though.

What I've ended up doing is taking bits and pieces of what I know, think I know, heard, see and have seen. I try to take what I think will work best in any situation-good or less than ideal. Being malleable has proven to work wonders in marriage and work. Gold is malleable, and it is quite precious. Rigid things break. Think about it.

There is one person that has been a true asset to me, giving me years of wisdom to combat my years of inexperience-my grandma. Shout out to Mom Mom! (smile)

I'm a housewife, not a house

Today marks my third morning of dragging myself out of bed before 6am and doing my Kickboxing Workout for Dummies DVD. Three days may not sound like much to you, but it's oodles better than the long range of nothing that I was doing in a row.

That's the thing about working at home, on a computer all day-it gives me no legitimate reason to move around. If I'm moving around, it's to do something around our home (dishes, dinner, etc.) or I'm avoiding doing work. Unlike some boring jobs where you can still get paid even if you're not exactly doing anything, that doesn't happen when you're freelancing. Every minute counts. Seriously, have you ever taken a gig that pays by the minute? It's kinda stressful.

But back to the kickboxing DVD-I've had it for like 5 or so months. I break it out every once in a blue moon. I don't know what's different this time. This time, I'm actually taking it seriously. I take that back. I do know what's different. I have a goal to lose some weight (or at least tighten up) before my first wedding anniversary in May. I stumbled upon some DVDs that I want to try-Chalean Extreme actually-but I had to be realistic with myself first. I had to be realistic about what kind of shape that I am currently in. Right now, that shape is somewhere between a pear and an oval. Honestly, I'm too short for that.

There's no way I can leap into any workout that ends in extreme when I'm basically coming off of an almost fully sedentary state. I give myself about a month to be able to get through Kickboxing for Dummies. When I say get through it, I mean get through it successfully without feeling like I may need to call a medic. The DVD has 6 basic parts. Right now, I get through two of them before I start giving Keli Roberts the slanty face. I do the warm-up and "Fat Burning #1." I'll tell you this, I've noticed that as my form improves, I get more out of the workouts. It makes me feel like I'm doing something right. After a month or so, I hope to be in a little better shape so that I can start the Chalean Extreme and my fitness level (or lack thereof) not make me want to quit in the first 3 minutes.

So, why am I not a house? Simply put-I don't want to be as big as a house. I don't think I even want to be a brick house. Don't they get old and crumbly sometimes?

Productivity Flow...or and flow (gross, right?)

You may not want to hear this, but I don't really care. I am a woman, and as a woman, I have certain monthly obligations. For me, I've had this monthly obligation since I was nine years old. I am not Anne Sexton. I am not celebrating my uterus-no, not in the least. (You can find that poem here if you have no idea what I'm talking about.) What I'm actually doing is seeing how my monthly menstruation affects my productivity. Get the title? Cute, right?

If you don't know by now that I work from home, let me take this time to reiterate: I work from home. Now that you're caught up, let's move on. I recently put myself on a schedule to accommodate a few new responsibilities that I've acquired. Go me! For this schedule, I've set a certain number of tasks to do daily for each job. This way, I am constantly being productive and don't get behind in anything. This was a splendid plan until my period came on.

Today is Monday. As I was in the shower mapping out my list of things to do, I realized that I am a full day and a half behind schedule. Mind you it's only the eighth day of the month, so it's not too detrimental. The thing is, I was on schedule (even a little ahead in one area) until my period came on last week. Where did the time go? Well, most of it was spent curled up into a ball and the rest of the events that are coupled with that time of the month. The remainder of the time I was doing work...ever so slowly. Monumental Discovery: You really can't get a whole lot of work done in the fetal position!

Judging from all the Pamprin and Midol commercials, I'm not the only one whose period slows her down. All the tea, heating pads and ibuprofen in the world don't do a thing for me when 1) I feel like there's a monster trying to gnaw its way simultaneously through my stomach and back and 2) I'm convinced that I am hemorrhaging. So, I've come to a solid truth. I will fall behind at least once a month and have to make up for it the day after day 5 aka post-period day 1 aka p.p.day 1. Yes, I made those names up. You can use them or come up with your own if you would like.

How do you stay productive with Aunt Flow wreaking havoc? At this point, she has the upper hand on me. It could be worse though, I guess. I could be completely unproductive the entire five days. When I look at it like that, a day and a half isn't that bad.

I'm a housewife, not a bum.

What makes a housewife? A wife that stays at home while her husband works. What does a housewife do all day? I think that depends on the individual person. When I tell people that I work from home, I swear they equate that as being unemployed. They look at me with what I call the "slanty face." You know the slanty face when you see it. It's a sad attempt at an understanding smile with a recognizable covering of disbelief. 

I've seen that look enough times to know that what it means. It means the person doesn't really think I do anything. Try to see if you can guess where the slanty face would go in this example (but typical) conversation:

Person: Where do you work?

Me: I work from home.

Person: Oh, so what do you do all day?

In case you couldn't guess, the slanty face goes after the "oh." This usually strikes up a curse that I have to fight to keep inside. There are lots of better responses-"What kind of work does that involve?" "What does that entail?" "What types of things do you do?"

It's the "oh" that gets me. I swear it's a shortened version of "Oh, you bum." All I'm saying is let's not make assumptions, and more importantly, don't underestimate my hustle.

Love as a battlefield-is it really?

Now, you know I love T.V. I can pull a life lesson from any show I watch. I was listening to one of those music choice channels, the ones that play music but no videos, and I kept hearing song after song about battles, struggles, and wars with love. For some reason, it got on my nerves. Plus, the songs repeat after a while. Overkill!  I turned on the T.V., thinking that I could escape from the depression-inducing music, and started watching "How I  Met Your Mother" (season 5/ episode 7 "The Rough Patch" if you care). At some point in the episode Barney says, "You know what they say about relationships. Every waking moment's a battle." 


Are you kidding me?! My train of thought seemed forced in one direction at this point. Is it true? Is love really that Hellish? I know from experience that love can be awesome, blinding, premature, hurtful and overwhelming. A battle though? 

I don't expect every day of married life to be full of sunshine, ponies, and pansies. However, I don't expect to have to build a defense strategy to get through it either. I am well aware that these folk said "love" and "relationship" and not marriage. But if marriage isn't the biggest testament of a loving relationship, I don't know what is! Now if I think back to my pre-marriage/ pre-housewife days, my worst love experiences had less to do with love and more to do with a heap of other emotions gone awry. Do I think love is a battlefield? No; but I could very well be wrong. I think love is always good. I think the particular situation, people involved and extenuating circumstance can project an aura of badness upon it. Maybe the real battlefield is all of the obstacles you have to get through in order to get to love-real love.